When Trust Feels Like a Bad Investment
And Why You Need It Anyway
Trust can feel risky, but insights from both scripture and psychology tell how it’s essential for deep relationships, resilience and faith. Here are some thoughts to help you remember why trust matters, how Jesus modeled it and practical ways to rebuild trust—even when it feels impossible.
Trust Feels Like a Scam (But You Can’t Opt Out)
You don’t have to live long to learn that trust can be dangerous. Maybe you learned it the hard way—like when you loaned a favorite book to a friend, and it came back with a suspicious “I definitely didn’t drop this in the bathtub” look. Or maybe it was worse—a broken promise, a betrayal, or a slow erosion of confidence in something you once believed in.
At some point, trust starts to feel less like a virtue and more like a liability. If the risk is so high, why keep investing? Why not just trust no one, expect the worst, and carry on?
Because the alternative is loneliness.
Jesus understood this. In the wilderness, he had every reason to grasp for control, force an outcome and stop trusting God altogether (see Luke 4:1-13). But he didn’t. And it turns out, both scripture and psychology agree that trust is the only way to actually live.
Why Is Trust So Hard?
We’re wired to seek safety, and trust feels like handing someone the keys to our defenses. But here’s the irony—we can’t function without it. A fascinating study on reciprocity and trustworthiness found that people are more likely to trust when they themselves are perceived as trustworthy. In other words, if you want people to trust you, you have to embody trustworthiness first.
But there’s more to learn here. It turns out that trust is also essential for resilience. Dr. John Gottman, one of the leading researchers on relationships, discovered that the ability to repair trust after it’s been broken is what makes relationships last. It’s not about never getting hurt—it’s about learning how to heal, forgive and reconcile.
And this is exactly where most of us struggle.
We don’t want to be vulnerable. We don’t want to risk another letdown. We’d rather guarantee our safety, so we build walls, tighten our grip and convince ourselves that we don’t really need deep trust to be happy.
But we do.
Why Letting Go of Control Feels Impossible
Controlling everything sounds like a great alternative to trusting.
- If you can just manage everything perfectly, nothing will go wrong.
- If you can just be strong enough, smart enough, careful enough, you won’t ever be hurt again.
- If you can just predict every outcome, you won’t be caught off guard.
But control is exhausting.
It keeps us anxious, hypervigilant and constantly strategizing. It convinces us that we can avoid disappointment, but at the cost of never letting people (or God) get close enough to matter.
This is where Lent speaks directly into our mess. Because Lent isn’t just about giving things up. It’s about learning to let go. It’s about unclenching our fists. It’s a prompt to release our need to prove ourselves, to achieve more, to secure certainty by our own devices. It’s about letting go of what does not sustain us and stopping our numbing distractions long enough to face what actually matters.
Rebuilding Trust After Betrayal
Jesus talked about trust and he lived it. He trusted when it made no sense and when it was costly, when it meant giving instead of grasping. So how do we even begin?
How to Build Trust Again:
- Be trustworthy. If you want to live in a world where trust is possible, be someone others can trust. Integrity isn’t about never making mistakes—it’s about owning them, repairing them and refusing to fake it.
- Practice small acts of trust. Don’t start by handing someone the deepest wounds of your soul. Start by showing up, being reliable and risking vulnerability in small, authentic ways.
- Stop trying to control every outcome. The truth is, you can’t prevent every disappointment, but you can choose not to let fear make your decisions for you.
- Learn to repair, not just retreat. Trust will get broken. It always does. But healing happens when we lean in instead of cutting and running. Forgiveness, reconciliation and grace are muscles that need to be worked.
- Remember who you’re trusting. Jesus invites us to place our trust in something bigger than ourselves. And the good news? God is actually worthy of that trust. Rest in God, even when humans have just disappointed you beyond measure.
You Can’t Experience True Love Without Real Risk
If trust is hard for you, you’re not alone. If you’ve been hurt, if you’ve felt abandoned, if trusting feels more like a liability than a virtue—I get it. Believe me, I do. But the alternative is a life where we hold everything at arm’s length. It’s a life where we never experience deep connection, intimacy, love or grace because we’re too afraid of losing them.
So, here’s the challenge: What’s one act of trust you can take this week?
- Maybe it’s being honest in a conversation where you’d rather deflect.
- Maybe it’s admitting a mistake instead of covering it up.
- Maybe it’s loosening your grip on something you’ve been clinging to for too long.
Whatever it is, take the step.
Don’t take it because you’re sure of the outcome.
Take the step because trust—real, deep, vulnerable trust—is the only way to actually live.